A Not So Good Date - The Story
I'm doing a favour when I say 'not so good', 'cause this was probably the worst date ever. But it wasn't supposed to be like that. It was after quite a while that I was meeting her, and I expected the magic to work something special today.
But things never go as you expect, do they?
It felt so awkward, as I walked back home. I mean, yes, ending a three year young relationship will feel bad, but this is not exactly that 'bad' feeling. Uncanny, awkward are the right words for it.
But it shouldn't be like this. I wanted this, didn't I? All of those arguments, tensions and frustrations; this was a way better option than managing them.
Being single has a lot of plus points compared to when you are with someone, especially when you are a guy. For instance, you can talk to anyone without having to explain your actions to someone. She always used to ask me about my friends, the girls in my class and who all I talk to. And when I asked her the same thing, she would always turn the question back at me. If she doesn't want to talk about her friends, then why should I?
And this is when me meet just once in a month. She would talk about anything and everything in the universe except me and her. What is the point of all that? Even when she chooses to leave the world out of our conversations, she would talk all about herself and her problems. As if, she's the only one with problems. Hasn't she ever thought of my problems. I agree that I told her not to ask my problems, but she could do so out of courtesy at least.
And then, she complains that I don't talk much. But so what, that's what I am. I've never been a good conversationalist and she knows that. In fact, this 'mystery' of my silence enchanted her, she confessed it. So, what happened to that enchantment? And anyways, if she wouldn't stop her stories, how can I talk then. The mistress doesn't like to be interrupted and I wonder what harsh punishment would I get if I ever did so.
Thankfully, I don't have to worry about this anymore. 'Long distance relationships never ever work', I'll put my signature on this statement.
The fact of the matter is, when people say there's an age for such stuff, they are right. At 19, this isn't really the age for wasting time on all of this. It's good that I'm out of it.
Yes, there are some real good things about having a partner. You always have someone to talk to, share your thoughts and feelings with. You know that someone will pick your call, even if it is 3am. You don't have to go alone for a movie. You walk together hand in hand. When you're upset, someone will hug you. And you love someone, and they love you back, with a pure heart.
But I wonder, was any of this ever there between me and her. It was always her talking, and me doing the listening part. She always called me late night, telling me she's scared. And if I didn't answered, she would make me feel so guilty the next morning, that I could do nothing but apologise for hours and hours. When we go out, we had to keep a check that nobody, who know either of us, would see us. And she never knows when I'm upset. Yes, at times I wonder if she actually loves me or not.
Was all of this a joke since the beginning? It doesn't make sense, or does it?
This thought stopped me in my tracks. Have I been living a lie for the last three years?
With my head in my hands, I sat down on the pavement. My mind was being filled by negative thoughts and I couldn't do anything to stop them. There was something wrong about us from the start. I mean, how can a girl so full of life settle for a guy like me. Poles apart personalities, a completely different outlook for everything. Our choices, our wishes, our requirements, none of them were same at all.
With so many differences, our relation had no chances of survival. It's good that it ended now. Both of us can actually focus on doing things right.
I still remember the first time we met. It was accidental of course, as the teacher assigned me her partner for a project. That was the first time she actually saw me, and her reaction clearly verified it.
“Who?”, she said.
“Jake. He'll be your partner for this project.”
“But who's Jake?”, she was loud enough to be heard by everyone else in the room. And what she said shocked me as well.
“The guy who sits two places behind you.”
Really? Am I invisible? Well, that is the reality of popular people; you may know them, but you are a nobody for them.
And despite this, she had the audacity to ask me if I was a new student.
But after the initial 'dumb-show', Emma turned out to be an actual smarty. And it wasn't just the project that developed.
The time we spent together during that week, made me weak in my knees whenever she was around. I wanted her to be around all the time and it wasn't long before I realised that I'm falling for her. Though I knew it was not possible, me and her, but I couldn't help it.
On the date of submission, I decided to let her know. I knew that she would say no, but this was probably the last time I would talk to her 'cause she would return to her 'oh so perfect life'.
“Emma, there's something I've got to tell you.”
“Well...we are gonna get an A in this one.”
“Sure, it's my, I mean our, project.”
“Hm, yeah. Wait, there's something else.”
“I love you.”
“That's what you wanna say, right?”
“Oh come on, it's written on your face.”
“I love you, Jake.”
Well, this was what I thought would happen. But things were slightly different from this. When I told her my feelings, she left without uttering a single word. I stood there, waiting for her to come back and say something. But that was not gonna happen.
There's no use thinking of all of it right now. This is over. Though it wasn't the way I thought it would be, but then it's Emma we are talking about. She can pull off anything. There was a lot of built-up frustration in both of us, and it showed in all our previous meetings. Arguments about the smallest possible things, as if we were enemies.
“I don't think we should be together anymore”, I said to her, finally ready to end it all.
“Okay”, that's all she said. That's it, I thought. Before I could realise what had happened, she was gone.
I quickly left as well, not waiting this time. Was I right? As it turns out, us being together was wrong from the beginning, and it is good that it finally ended.
'Screeeeeech', just as I got up, a vehicle stopped in front of me.
“are you okay, kid? Sorry I didn't see you.”, the driver said.
“yeah, I'm good.”, I replied.
'What if something like this happened with her?', I thought, as the driver was leaving. 'What if...?'
I quickly turned back and started running, running back to her. 'It's okay Jake, she's okay.', I kept saying this to me, as her thoughts rushed in my head.
Everything that I had thought, every bad thing that I felt about her, about me and her, lost all sense as I hurried back to her. I might have fallen once or twice, I don't remember.
The adrenaline soon slowed down, but not before I saw her. She was sitting there, with her eyes closed, probably thinking everything like I did.
“What are you doing here?”, I asked her, sitting down in front of her.
“huh?”, she was clearly surprised to see me there. And before I could have said anything, she reached forward to hug me.
“I'm sorry, Jake. But I don't wanna lose you. I'll be like you want me to.”
Her words reminded me of three years ago, of the day I expressed my feelings to her. While I expected her not to come back, she actually did, and asked me the same thing and I responded the same way she just did (with her name, of course).
“Emma, I want you to be the way you are.”, I replied, just like she did that time.
“You know what, I really...”, she started to say,
“I love you too, Emma”, and I interrupted her, embracing her in my arms for what was surely the best moment of our lives. “No more fights baby, we'll work this out”, I whispered in her ears.
“I love you, Jake”, she finally said.
Love. Everyone has their own description of love. For some it is the best feeling, while it reminds some of heartbreaks. Yes, this is all a part of love, but what would you do when nothing seems to work, and yet you can't leave that person, because you can never end your feelings for them.
Would you try giving it another shot?
Love is what makes you, while, unwillingly, you make your love complicated. It is not about ending it when things don't work out, 'cause you know, the best feeling doesn't happen everyday or with everyone. Take your time and give it a chance, this alone can make you the happiest....